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Allow
Subtle Ripples, small waves Spontaneous Wiggles, constant Deep inner awareness comes Space under the vibrations Cracking the surface of yet another layer Melting, soothing, swimming Joy arises from the liminal boundless love Settling in wordless - effortless - relaxing 1 pointed focus Awareness under the senses Awareness under love Awareness under joy Under trust Awareness under compassion Making these meaningless moments special. Holding myself sacred. Nourish and rock my body and soul in unison Slowing and feeling Drop in for the smooth Moving slowly Momentum or vibration Pull to drop into something hold space Clear golden rays Radiating as sound waves Manifesting back into their origin Love responding to all Nectar for thirst Thirst for freedom in truth Laying softly over all The love of my love Love Opening to the world Opening to me My center My Self Waves of Miracles Devoted energy, love in streams To my source Reverberating back as blessing Changing the chemical makeup Of all outside to start anew Changing the direction of my electrons to shift yet again My guru, my teacher, my self Knower of all, giver of all Receiving karma like a cotton ball Absorbing water Taking life as it arrives Digesting all that I can For my nutritious meal. Being present to release Allowing the heart to sing Devotion to my truth Singing for well within To open Tear at it's beauty Detach, Separate Let it fall off I have everything I need. I am whole and perfect. We are in the middle of duality, Come in, join me, sit here by my side. I have a chair for you, a rocking chair To allow yourself to rock out and back Finding center The push out and the strength to come back Gives you the strength for balance We juggle with 12 arms, in a ring of fire On balance, and a smile on our face Conquer and Discipline the inner world Allow. Come sit with me and look out on the horizon for infinity to see All while the world burns around us. Peace. Being. Consciousness. Bliss. My rainbow body appears From the causal to the visceral the manifestation of purity Surrendered openness Open up surrender Be willing to give up What and who we are Our past Our future Our stirrings in the mind Give them up, hand them over Transform beyond Beyond who you thought you were What you thought Miracles happen In the unknown In the ether, I breathe In the fullness, I delight In the love, I radiate But in your grace, I become more. Ask and you shall receive Be the one to ask For all you've ever wanted Be the one to love Love for the mere sake of love Be happy, gloriously joyful And become - For no reason at all The wave of smiles that transform the world Peace within. Peace hello. Peace trigger and peace glimmer We are all one. In the constant of change The constant of transformation And the constant of Peace. We grow for more. Purify me Burn me up These thoughts are not mine These tensions are not me Clear my karma From all directions May I move before being drawn May you burn up what What everyone believes to be real Burn my Velcro, my sticky, my hurt Let everything roll off me Through me Into you Lead me in your pure love Be with me Hold my hand Lead the way I live to follow you Massaging the heart I stir The focus of awareness stimulated Like a row boat My arms become conscious No need to hold Stir with the unbalance Finding a transformation A new definition A new way to be The spoon become long My kidneys, my navel, my tail Stirring in remembrance Stirring in search Finding chunks to blend like soup I am whole I am complete I am The Self I am Self Love I am Love For All I am The Self Of All I am My heart breaks My eyes flood A silent scream How can I actively walk you to the pearly gates My mother, my friend, my teacher I know, I must I know it's time soon But not yet, Let me cry first. I miss you How did I let so much time pass without your smile You've held my hand But more than anything you believed in me You saw me through all my layers Rolled your eyes at me, made me laugh at myself And when I was laughing, you held my tears in your eyes. Loved flowers and Nature Butterflies and Light I will walk you to what you love most. I know you will not be far. My dearest unconditional Spiritual Mom. I love you. You can go now. What do I want I want a love that lives within A love that dwells and swells When I remove my layers of attachment. I hold a place inside, untouched, unaffected, pure Clearly a place that is not me A warmth, a fire A cool moonlight bathing, a giggle, a smirk A knowing, a sense, a feeling Something more I smother myself, I open the doors To be flooded yet again Detach, Let go, Be free Detach, Let go, Be free I dance for me I dance to be free I dance to be in harmony Harmony within the pulls The pressures to be Harmony will you, with me I love with more than I am I breathe with more than I am Who am I Who do I need to be Oh, don't need to be Just only A warmth, a fire A cool moonlight bathing Untouched, unaffected, pure Light within, Light without Both Light, me Sending care packages of love Holding you Wrapping you Rocking you, within my heart Your light Your wisdom Absorb into me We are one in the same You've taught me unconditional love You showed me the path You gave and gave Asking nothing in return You taught me You loved me You gave me my world The seed of Reiki of you Lives within me This seed is your love You believed in me Affirmed me Validated me and truly wanted Only my best While seeing and tending to my worst How do I give back what I have received I shall always hear your voice in my head In my heart Your love, My love The world turns Am I up or Upside down These days, all feels Confusion to me In my body A river, a stream, an ocean A tsunami rising Sleeping, awake, moving All me, all mine, all my control And none of it mine. Surrendering to what is To the light Surrender to the space Between vibrations Is this space transition Birth to Death or Death to Birth Up or Down I am not who I think I am nor am I who I think I was nor am I who I think I could should see to be. I am my breath, my heart I am also my mirror I am the guest house of those around me I am my experiences I am my laughter and joy I am also the pain and suffering of a toy How to understand that both exist at the same time In multiple dimensions Working 3, 4, 8 levels above while still scrolling this mundane life of love This life I lead requires more Something more from me to be To become, To realize, To Evaporate Lighten Up! Be Easy - Protect your peace Find each precious moment Open your heart to see what is possible Funnel in your help Ask. Space between For me consciousness Loving me to love others Fully. The One Consciousness, Today, For Right Now Hold me Love me Protect me Let me release into your arms Do the fighting for me Engage with the world for me Let me rest Just for today Let me rest my heart Let me have some peace So I may give them all to you Be my voice Be my body Be my joy I surrender to you for you with you You are me, I am you Just for today. Can you be me? Just for today Relax to open Expand to be Freedom lives just beyond me Settle to stillness Let things rest I let go of my grip to serve me best I am love I am me Independent Light Glorious me The last retreat I attended in September my teacher, Sri Shambhavananda, asked for the really hard questions, the questions we were too afraid to ask. For a really long time I had wanted, but too afraid, to ask for help. I was rattled with fear because that meant I had to actually work on it. The hard decisions are usually the right ones. I had to bring it to the surface, make it real, and be held accountable. I asked, “Can I get a sankalpa that will actually get me to meditate in the evenings? I have spent years trying for it, failing, and finally discouraged. Filled with guilt and shame it feels like a steel mountain of my own patterns, avoidance, distraction, tiredness, and familial responsibilities. Do I need to “make” it happen, or do I just wait for my life to open up to it? I really need to be meditating right now, in the thick of it.” *Sankalpa: “A caterpillar can’t just add ‘wings’ to its to-do list in order to become a butterfly, but how often do we all take that kind of approach to changing our lives? Instead, we must learn to ‘go inside our cocoon' through meditation, and remain there until an inner transformation naturally unfolds. Lucky for us, we can transform ourselves in just 30 minutes a day, instead of being trapped in a cocoon for 3 years like some caterpillars. That’s the Spirit of Transformation at the heart of the Sanskrit word ‘Sankalpa’, life’s natural means to lasting change.” Acharya Satyam Eppinger, Konalani Yoga Ashram Today, I am redefining discipline. I have found my strongest energy of discipline to be held within the flexibility of self-compassion. Strong energy, living within a soft place, sounds like a dichotomy but it is true for me, over and over again. What is discipline? Is it a succeed or fail, black or white? What happens if I screw up? Do I want discipline to take me to a pre-destined objective? Having this outlook, I leave little room for the “active act of trying;” listening, communicating, exploring, adapting, changing, and most importantly self-compassion. What if discipline had constant adjustments like a balance? Balancing on one foot is a constant search for center. If I balance on one foot there is a symphony happening within of balance and counterbalance. All the muscles are working together to adjust and when one muscle pulls too far, another brings it back. Even when I fall over the muscles are still “trying” to get it right. And then other muscles turn on, perhaps from the ground, to re-establish the body back to where they know success usually exists. “Active trying” is still a valid search for balance, even when it looks different, or you fall over. My teacher’s response to my question was that I should find a practice that I love, that I enjoy, that is easy and simple. It will grow over time. Pick one thing and do it well. He went on to say that his favorite practice was to gaze at his Guru, breathing their aura into his 3rd eye, down to his heart, then exhaling to send love back in gratitude.
“If you look at the eyes of the great beings, such as [Nityananda], you will know that their eyes are still and they are watching themselves. The eyes are not closed; they are open, but they are still; they don’t see anything. The mind is still, it is not thinking about anything. The prana, the vital force, is also still without doing pranayama or kumbhaka. When the eyes become still, when the eyes watch the eyes, the mind stops thinking and becomes still. For a while the prana becomes still without your stopping it, without you retaining it inside. … it brings all attainments. In this you attain the Self, you attain God.” Swami Muktananda “From the Finite to the Infinite, pg 137” This is a powerful practice, and I have gotten so much wisdom by gazing at a picture of my teacher. By breathing into my 3rd eye, I feel like I’m absorbing wisdom that I have not yet attained. During the retreat, I was asking “how do I get to my cushion each evening?” Without wanting an “answer,” I let the energy work me and let go of any resistance to the opening. As I brought the breath down into my heart the energy massaged a space, like a thumbprint cookie, a little space for sweetness to grow with every exhale. As the retreat faded, I retained the space of something in my middle, a little nectar. I’ve decided that in my life, I only need to make a thumbprint cookie, a space. In massaging that space, it is pliable. When I massage that space a little every day, I allow it to grow, effortlessly. It is not about “making” it happen, forcing, willing, guilting, or shaming ourselves into practice. We simply massage a little space in our life, open our hearts, and let it grow without expectation or destination. Prayatna Shaithilya Ananta Samapattibhyam “This Divine Mother, called Kundalini, is placed in the center of the heart…The goddess cannot be awakened by force. She can only be awakened by (nada) supreme I consciousness filled with supreme awareness. To awaken her, the yogi has to churn their point of one-pointedness in the heart, without break, again and again.” Tantrasadbhava about Shiva Sutra 2.3 If everything is the inner Self, the Self of all, and if I am supposed to have effortless effort while seated, why shouldn’t I have effortless effort to get to the cushion? The directions I have been given from my Babaji is to sit and open my heart for a little bit every day. He asks for nothing more, nothing less. To persevere without tension, I needed to stop making evening meditation a huge event. The effort that I was putting toward evening practice was different than the practice itself. The effort and the practice are both my purest state of Self. I am what I seek. “An elephant-path (also known as a desire-path…) is a path created as a consequence of erosion caused by human or animal foot-fall or traffic. The path usually represents the shortest or most easily navigated route between an origin and destination.” Baukje Kleinbekman For me, it helps to make my evening routine into little rituals. To find the easiest time, I’ve attached it to something that is already working. I move from my closet, to the sink, to the cushion in my bedroom. I cannot go to bed without walking past my deep wish. I am a kinesthetic person, so it works well for me to track the same pathway like an elephant to water. I have laid my cushion in the middle of the walkway, blaringly annoying, in front of a small altar.
It starts by making that space, that crack of time, and massaging. I open my heart wishing for growth, wisdom, and the energy needed to overcome my own mind and karma. I sit, gazing at a teacher that has already attained everything I want. I put on some lotion and literally massage my hands and feet while gazing. I churn the heart, stirring again and again while massaging my hands. I connect with the breath and allow it to make a space for new energy, like adding a chocolate to a thumbprint cookie. If my evening practice is opening the heart for 5 minutes and feeling love, there is no shame in that. If that 5 minutes get transformed into something more, I am not “making” it happen. And if all I did was sit and put some lotion on, making it to the cushion, then I tried. And that feels better than not trying. Churning the one-pointedness in the heart, without break, again, and again, awakens supreme awareness. It does not have to be hard. Find a practice that you love, that you enjoy, that is easy and simple. It will grow over time. Pick one thing and do it well. You can breathe space into your life and patterns. Breathe in a teacher and their wisdom. I am completely sure that I will be tested and this will get hard again but I have a foundation finally. I can already feel myself starting to find something different and it is starting to grow.  Practicing creativity is a deep wish to grow. Creativity at its very core is creation, which is energy. We all want growth, so why should we not turn to creation and creativity? Growth consists of allowing the meditation practice to flow off of the cushion and creativity is a tool to get you there. It creates pure harmony between outer and inner worlds because it is a huge surrender and mindfulness practice. In the same way that meditation rolls off our cushion and into our reality, the same is true for art. Colors spill off the canvas and into the world. Words and stories live beyond the paper. The camera lens has no boundaries. The voice vibrates with every spoken word. And the body continues to flow outside of the studio. Practicing art is practicing for a life of mindfulness as well as meditation. This regular practice of art becomes the artist’s daily reality merging inner and outer worlds. When a friend spoke about feeling tension while drumming, he realized that he needed to come back when he was more relaxed. I suspect that he also knows when he is holding tension and not flowing in his life or on the cushion. When another friend spoke about playing kirtan and loosing themselves in the chant, I am guessing that they also know how to release their body during meditation. The pathway has already been created. Photo by Heather Gray  For me, I didn’t realize until yoga teacher training that by dancing, I was meditating. When I was performing, I could be on the stage fully present, lights shining, audience in front of me, and expand beyond anything I thought was possible at the time. I became something other than, and also more than, my body. The energy was all around and I could play with the flow within myself because I did not have to think, my body just knew what to do. We could be so intertwined that we could read subtle movements while improvising, and move in unison. Or we could dance so closely together and never touch, holding space. When I was transitioning out of performing, I would close my eyes on the cushion and see myself dancing in my head. When I asked my teacher what to do he said to stay with the feeling, and remove the form. The feeling is expansion, connectedness. For me, as my energy grew bigger it was a sense of losing myself to find myself. For the one who observes that there is no difference between the universe and its creator, the creator having become the universe and universe having become the creator, this universe is not defective, but a playful amusement. - Spanda Karika 2.5 The artist becomes the universe and the universe becomes the artist. I believe this is true for most great artists. A person can watch a musician and visually see the transition when the person becomes their music. A vocalist is using their breath which connects to the life force and energy of breath. A visual artist and writer gives life to a portion of themselves on paper. There is a thin veil between flow and reality. At this point in my journey, I think it is because the flow of energy exists in everything. The artist has learned how to participate with the creative potential energy, or creation. Using our skills of creativity, we can set up our experience for meditation also. Because of the wish to grow we can use the same amount of focus needed to draw. We can create our mantra by molding the vibration of the deity. With the same amount of focus as a dancer would have on the body, we can bring ourselves into the sensation of chakras. With the focus of a musician, we can become the instrument itself, the container for something bigger to move through. I practiced this morning, while walking, with my mind heavily congested. It kept spinning and although I turned to mantra, it didn’t seem to touch it. So, I “created” the mantra. I molded it with my tongue and mouth. I felt the sensations, the vibrations, but mostly I used the focus of making something. I was making a new reality for myself. And as I walked forward, I stepped through the mantra, and let it wash over me. It was a magical moment that left my mind in my heart and the mantra in rhythm with my feet. Because I wanted to grow beyond the current moment, the wish to grow gave me the focus to burn it up and surrender. Spiritual growth with creativity is about the experience, not a product. When art has no final product, it becomes alive anywhere, anytime, everywhere. Perfection no longer exists because that would mean a finish line. Instead, we become present and alive with the process. If you want access to more creative potential, or shakti, you have to get rid of some of the baggage that you are carrying. We have very concrete ideas about things, we define ideas about who and what we are, how we should be, and how the rest of the world should be. It is important to gain some perspective from a point which is beyond those things that you cling to. -Sri Shambhavananda When we surrender our own expectations of a situation, we can better navigate our arena. By letting go of what we think “should happen” or what “needs to happen,” instead we find the “what could happen,” and what is possible. This creative potential for something different opens up a different part of us. In these past few months, I have been free writing, morning pages, every day, as directed in The Artist's Way. I would consistently write I need to do this; I should do that. As a mom with many responsibilities, I felt that in order to be a good mom I needed to teach this thing, or make sure they are doing that. As a yogi along the path, I would think to myself, “I should be doing this.” “I need to make time to practice that.” “Gosh I really should be more disciplined.” As I wrote these things, I realized how limiting and contracted this thought structure can be. I wanted more life, less anxiety, more flow, and truly more self compassion. To create a different experience of life, I removed the words “need” and “should” from my writing and language. It still comes up in my head but because I have a deep wish to grow, I stop it, and create something different in my reality. Siva Sutra 3.17 – svamatranirmanamapadayati – Experiencing that this objective world is the product of their subjective consciousness, they can create anything desired. To create a different experience, you embrace change. You could get from point A to point B as you always do, quickly and productively. Or you could zig zag, skip, hop, somersault, cartwheel, walk backwards, or even roller skate to point B. The second option takes more time, but it also invites creation energy, shakti. By creatively making it your own, you have broken your mold, your pattern. You venture into a new pathway of life which is fully present. By switching up the pattern on the outside world, the inside world switches up. While it is true that a specific skill set becomes a grand experience of life, creativity is nothing extreme. It is your everyday life. It is your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. With the focus of wishing to grow, searching out creativity, or practicing artistic pursuits, you can prepare for meditation. It is sometimes hard to tell where the art ends and where the rest of the world begins.  THE SHAKTI VOICE “May our waking consciousness replace pain and suffering with divinity…” Kali Puja Shakti is the primordial cosmic energy of all living things. It has the ability to completely transform a person or it can radiate out, purifying an entire village. I like to picture the Shakti mechanism within a human as a humidifier. Water drops down into the mechanism and becomes heated. The heat transforms the water to steam. The steam rises up to the top and is merged with the atmosphere. In the same way, through surrender, our personal tension falls down into our mechanism, becomes heated through the fire of yoga, and is transformed into energy, or Shakti. The Shakti rises up and merges with unmanifested consciousness. “It is because I have surrendered completely to my Guru that I have been able to transmit Shakti to so many people all over the world.” - Swami Muktananda As Muktananda says, it is in the surrender that Shakti becomes available. When I allow surrender to occur, tensions let go and fall away. Using the breath, they move down the body to feed a burning fire. The heat rises as energy or Shakti. This is what fills the heart, and continues to rise to the crown of the head. The heart becomes the source of the mind and radiates the Shakti for all. In place of the tension that existed before, something else is now available within - God, universal consciousness, the Guru, the Self. If, in the middle of the humidifier, a second nozzle were placed, steam would pour out of both the middle and the top. This is what occurs when someone speaks and also why times of silence are important. The Shakti escapes, riding on the vibration of the words. What we say matters, but the Shakti within the words leaves the imprint. The energy of the sound vibration transforms the environment, the plants, the animals, and our fellow humans. Shiva sutra 3.27 says “Katha Japah - Ordinary talk of life is the recitation of mantra.” Everyone who is near the vibrations of any spoken word has the possibility of being set anew. That is the way of my spiritual lineage. There is no better gift. Babaji Shambhavananda could be talking about the weather, the news, or a new Marvel movie and we all receive Shakti. For the non-practitioner, whatever he says brings a sense of ease, a deep exhale and release from stress. With enough Shakti, anyone has the ability to affect their environment in the same way. All of us could speak about spiritual evolution, accounting, or chores and have others relax from stress. Nityananda was in such a state that words were not even necessary; the aura of his presence filled the room and village. All became eager for the relief of the gentle rolling love that surrounded, in order to be transformed. To be like Nityananda, I need more Shakti. I need more Shakti to help humanity in a way that requires nothing of my small self. I need more wood to add to the internal fire. All the stress I feel from staying awake in the evening, dealing with issues at work, breaking a pattern, or handling a trauma, create the fuel of not just my own growth, but my internal Shakti reservoir. The extremely simple act of overcoming myself, drudging through resistance, adds fuel over and over again to my fire. With the world in Kali yuga, I truly need my spiritual work. I pick up so much stuff from other people that I cannot determine what is mine or theirs. I find that it does not matter as long I am working. The act of clearing the tension has become a survival tool. Currently, I find relief in using my stress like a Bodhisattva. While walking in the grocery store, I can feel tension within my chest and belly. I use my breath and soften. While driving, I bring in a mantra to relax the mind.
beyond my limited capabilities. Through surrender I give it up, I hand it over, I trust. Then, and only then, can I see the sun shining. I surrender, I smile, and reestablish myself in joy, because that is what is truly going to change the situation. In hard conversations, I work to stay present. I talk, listen, and hold my babies tight. We will have a dance party and then play a game. The world, my world, needs my surrender. And maybe it will overflow to help others struggling also. My wanting to increase Shakti in order to help others makes it easier to let go. It is an automatic override of the small self. When I am only looking at providing relief for the limited me, I am unmotivated. However, by wanting to ease the suffering of all, I am willing to do the work. I remember Swami Shambhavananda telling the sangha that if we really want to turn up the heat of transformation, we need to work with our uncomfortable situations. They are usually the ones filled with unease, awkwardness, pain, or distress. For me, I needed to take on the stress of hard conversations. By surrendering before speaking, I can speak with words when necessary, or I can simply radiate my heart. The Shakti comes through the heart, out the mouth, and vibrates the environment. In surrendering the stress of that process, the fire of transformation burns. A change can occur. If we want to help more people, we need more Shakti, which means we need to work with our stress. I overcome the stress of dreadful situations by finding ease and contentment in the middle of it. The act of simply showing up and doing something that feels hard in that moment feeds the fire. I have found that just pushing through to get something done without surrender is a worthless endeavor. On the same note, working without a good long sit each day adds only twigs.
overcoming something, moving into the heart, and transforming the situation, other person, and/or the environment by doing nothing externally. The more I get over myself, the more Shakti I am able to give.
The Kali puja says, “The most excellent manifested cause is to take away darkness.” It is to be in such a state that we transform darkness into light. When we practice mantra from the heart, those vibrations transmute within and also without. When we talk normally, it also has the ability to change the world. It does not matter what we are saying as long as we are working and burning within our own selves. The Self holds all time, all space. All manifestation spawns from a nothingness mixed with consciousness. The Self holds birth, life, death; creation, maintenance, collapse.
The Self’s shapeshifting can be external. We as humans are constantly adapting, collaborating, responding, negotiating. We experience birth, life, death, and sometimes we are given a second chance with a rebirth. We get a cut and we organically begin to transform with healing. We can change cars, clothes, hair, location, friendships, careers, hobbies, etc. When The Self’s changing happens internally it may look like running on a treadmill; we walk, we jog, we run. We set out with a purpose, we feel an inner burn of desire, we change our internal drive. We feel an energetic force and we choose to change. We can change our belief system, our opinion, our typical response to a situation. Sometimes it shows up as an inner drive toward a particular goal. When our own consciousness becomes the Self, the big "I," instead of the ego, the little "i," we move from the inside out. We see a dirty counter, we spray, we wipe, we notice the shiny glimmer. We typically know within what needs to be done to create the shiny clean counter. By listening within we can find the particular method, or spray to clean things up. It could look like acceptance, letting go, or transforming the situation. If we are conscious, we can see change coming, we prepare for the shift. Birth, Life, Death, and round and round it goes. I have seen the life/death cycle everywhere. The constant transformation of energy. Change. This is the word we love only when it is our choice. Yet, this is our only guarantee. Life is going to provide challenges for us to adapt, to overcome. We can lay in front of the TV, eat a bag of chips, have another drink, or we can see how to move forward through the situation, toward a change of the energy. How do we manage the changing transformations of The Self through life? We stay conscious. We see the car coming before the exhaust hits the nose. If we are conscious, we can see change coming, we prepare for the shift. We stay with The Self, the place within the heart that witnesses the coming and goings. The witness to The Self, is the equanimity of The Self. We stay constantly changing. The Self sees when change is coming because The Self is change. It is the same changed manifestation between me and you. And the same non-difference between me and internet, or the cleaning spray, or the treadmill. We don’t “usually” get a say in when change is going to happen, but if we stay with The Self, we are change itself. Surrender is the effort needed to find an expanding of space already present and allowing everything else to fall away. For those who want to meditate but think it is impossible, it becomes available through surrender. We know we don’t actually want to think and “do” every moment of every day. We want the miraculous! So why do we grip so tightly in the opposite direction? We really need to learn how to relax and detach. Shambhavananda- “We have certain patterns. We have certain things that have very deep hooks in us. In the beginning, when you start to change these things, a lot of stuff will pull on you. Rather than just screaming and hollering as you are being pulled away, you have to take out a sword and cut the stuff that is pulling on you. Well, what’s the sword? The sword is discrimination, the sword is discipline, the sword is commitment. If you see yourself as always being a failure, then you will be. You have to build a fire inside. Anyone who attains the heights has to cut loose a lot of stuff. It can get a little messy, but if you are working, you don’t take notice of the mess.” What are the tools of surrender? Shambhavananda says, “Discrimination, Discipline, and Commitment” Let’s think about holding a glass. In order to let go of a glass, we put it down. We relax our grip. We create space between our hand and the glass. The further we pull our hand away the more space between us and the glass. The greater the wisdom. But instead, we constantly wrap ourselves around the glass. We need to solve this problem. (Grip) We have to get that done. (Grip) We are so angry. (Grip) Remember when that happened? (Grip) A brilliant new idea. (Grip) Surrender is consciously releasing your grip on a situation. We cut our grip on it and create the space needed to see inside. How Do We Put The Glass Down? Discrimination, Discipline, Commitment Discrimination finds harmony in a situation. The hand completely covers everything inside the glass. The harmony comes in yourself with the situation. The glass could be cracking, but we would never know it because we’re too busy covering it and holding on to it. In the space of surrender we allow without our affecting it, or projecting on to it. It takes discipline and internal effort to relax. In order to find a different way, we have to let go of the current way of operating. We train like an athlete with one-pointed focus. We discipline our minds. We discipline our emotions. We discipline our actions. If we relax and soften the grip, the glass automatically gets put down and the hand falls away. We have commitment to free ourselves from the planning, replaying, or strategizing. Yes, our minds are for thinking and solving problems. The key is When We Tell It To. We have to put the effort into the opposite direction. We can think and get things done when we get up off the cushion. We are not at a lack of time for thinking. We commit to doing nothing for a certain period of time every day. We need to build the opposing muscle, the one that lets us sit in harmony with a subtle smile on our faces. 
"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls." "Childhood means simplicity. Look at the world with the child's eye - it is very beautiful." “Truth is the same always. Whoever ponders it will get the same answer. Buddha got it. Patanjali got it. Jesus got it. Mohammed got it. The answer is the same, but the method of working it out may vary this way or that. (115)” Today I leave for 10 days and head to my yoga ashram. I feel nervous/anxious/excited, but it feels like going home. My eyes are brimming with tears of gratitude to have a place like this in my life. Since I have been intensely preparing the last couple of weeks, for this journey, I thought it was appropriate for my kids to be our teachers this week. Kids can say the most amazing things! However, they say it so simply that most of the time our mind doesn't fully hear it. If you think metaphorically then what they are saying can truly impact. I used the term "God" because my kids are too young to understand universal consciousness, divine, or the greater something. My son is 8 1/2 and my daughter is 4 1/2 years old. Both of them are raised in my house, under my roof, by my husband and I, and yet, are 2 entirely different individuals with their own unique awesomeness. Conversations With My Son
I think it is, well, it is sorta hard to explain. But I think the secret is sort of like being grateful. Like if you help another person or they help you, it’s like filling your bucket, which makes you happy. And then you are grateful. Do you think everybody loves themselves? Yes, but I think they love other people too. When do you feel the happiest? Usually always. Usually always I feel really happy. Except when I am tired. That's when I get emotional. In what environment do you feel God? I feel God in an empty forest. Like the rainforest. Why the rainforest? He put all these plants here. And we knocked them down. But in the rainforest, nobody lives there. Where is God? Everywhere. What do you mean? God is everywhere. Like in trees. In us. In computers. Boxes. Weird stuff. How is he in a computer? Even though a computer is not alive, we use it so it is like he is in there. What is God? I think he is a spirit, that lives inside of everything, and makes lots of stuff. So how can he live inside or you? Because he is a spirit, and lives in our heart, helping us. How do you know it’s a he? I think it’s half boy/half girl. So why do you call him a he? I’m just used to it. If you could tell the world, anything you wanted, and they would all listen to you. What would you say? I would tell all the people to be respectful to each other, and animals. I also want it to rain food. Conversation With My Daughter My Daughter: Did you know my heart is like a gate? Me: Really? My Daughter: Yah! (adding hand gestures) It's like a gate and it keeps opening bigger and bigger! Me: Wow! My Daughter: And inside is a golden necklace. Me: Oh! ? My Daughter: It glows really bright. It glows so bright that it makes the grass sparkle and makes the sky blue. My Daughter's Point of View Why did God put us here? Because that’s where we asked to live. They asked us to live here. What is the secret to happiness? To unlock doors Do you think everybody loves themselves? Everybody loves different people so much. When do you feel the happiest? When I’m swimming. In what environment do you feel God? (Rubs her hands together vigorously) So when you can feel the warmth? Wait (continuing to rub her hands together) (pulling her hands apart and looking between them) There. With the sparkles. Where is God? Far away from the town. Little sparkles. Shake then open up and then you can see the sparkles. If you could tell the world anything, what would you say? I love the world. Is that it? That’s it. And because it's my blog and I can do what I want... I believe this poem needs to be shared. She Let Go by Rev Safire Rose She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go. She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go. She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go. No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that. In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore. "Often people ask, "How can you say you're blessed to have a son with Down syndrome?" My outlook on life has forever changed. I see my own challenges differently. He's always showing me that life is so much bigger than self." "Breathe In, and Out, In, and Out, In and Blow out your birthday candles! Now, grab some paint and let's paint out bodies." I teach a dance class to Down syndrome students called Be Beautiful Be Yourself, through the Colorado Ballet and Global Down Syndrome Foundation. I call my students my lovelies, and I go every week, selfishly, to fill myself with their love. They are slowly teaching me that I have a lot to give and to teach. It is turning into a beautiful collaboration. When I first started thinking about writing a blog, it was because every week I would walk away with a significant life lesson from one of them.
What if we lived our lives like a Down syndrome love? What if we lived from a place of loving with no questions asked, empathetic affection, showing the awesome awe that we see in others? What if we were real at all points in our day, let things go immediately, had no self sabotage, and most importantly lived from a place of love, a place of joy? Oh this idea makes me smile, and my heart just bursts at the thought of this much carefree happiness, joy, and love in the world. Ask yourself if you are willing to go the extra mile for happiness, even if people look at you odd? If so, Claim it as yours, and flaunt it every chance you get! 
Before my first time teaching this class I was extremely nervous. During that same time, I was also embarking on the idea of loving myself truly. And frankly, I didn't feel up to the task. When they opened the doors each of these precious Down syndrome lovelies came over, gave me a hug, and wanted to know all about me. I immediately felt comfortable. They eased my awkwardness within seconds! Why couldn't I love myself the way they immediately loved me? They loved me immediately, me, a stranger, with no questions asked. From that point on, I knew I was home and I strived to give myself the same courtesy of hugging, accepting, and loving myself. I opened my heart with no questions asked.
How often do we walk into a room with a stranger and hug them? What if we did that? What if we hugged every new face that we saw? What if we walked across the room just to hug the new face in the crowd? The physical gesture, like a dance, of walking across the room, hugging them, finding out their name, and then moving on. That's it! That's all it takes! That gesture says so much with very little interaction. You are saying, I see you, I want you to know that you are welcome here, you matter. Love equals joy. In dance, that joy is movement. The most fulfilling part of class, for me, is skip circle. We sit in a circle and one at a time they get up and go around. That simple act of moving their body, puts a smile on their face. But this smile is like none that I see outside of the classroom. Their joy radiates, and the more joy they get, the faster they go. Then giggles start, and their giggles fill me for the entire week. That immense joy that takes over their entirety, joy from simply skipping or galloping around a circle. How many times do we let that level of joy happen? How can we find that level of joy? Do we stifle it because it isn't the social norm? I have watched my own daughter on stage concerned with the steps, following the teacher, and getting it right. It makes me sad. It's sad because she missed the best part! The joy of movement, not caring about the world, what you look like, or the fun in just moving to music! These loves just dance carefree, and they could care less what you want them to be doing. They just want to move their bodies and be happy. Could we embrace that mentality? Can we be that extravagant and easy with our joy? I want to have the type of joy with myself, that isn't meant for anyone else, but automatically feeds everyone observing. The empathy that these kids carry is probably the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It is never about themselves. They help each other when one feels lacking. They are the Super Healing Team. The entire class will stop and "tend to," when one feels sad or hurt, going over to see how they can make it better. How often do we know that someone isn't well, yet, do nothing because we think they don't want to talk or we don't know how to help? Sometimes they do want their privacy but isn't having a friend sitting next to you comforting? Loving? Just sitting next to them and not saying anything speaks a thousand words. I have one lovely, who will never participate if anyone in the class is having a rough time. She sits next to them for the entire time that they are "feeling." She is non-verbal for the most part, and the way she looks at others, it's like she is looking at them in awe. When she looks you in the eyes she smiles and then her gaze slowly moves upward. What is she looking at up there? It definitely appears that she is seeing something. And every time it happens, it reminds me that I am not alone. I think she sees my angels, my guides, my aura. She doesn't participate often and only looks up. If we could see, I mean really see, all the beauty that appeared in energy form, would we stop in our tracks and just stare? What if we could see the awe of everyone we met? What if we could make everyone feel special by acknowledging the awe that we see in them? It is seriously and absurdly real! This class wouldn't be anything without it's realness. There is no faking it with love in the heart. If you are having a rough day, you say so. Maybe you're going to sit down or maybe you're going to just lay in the middle of the floor. There is no acting in this class, it is extremely real. If you have gas you let it go and then say "excuse me." Even if that means you toot several times and then say excuse me several times. You acknowledge it, say excuse me, and the whole class moves on. As a lovely, you don't hold things in, you completely embody what you are feeling. One lovely came in once and started talking about her father's brother's funeral. Everyone listened, and I listened a little more closely than normal. She said her peace, we acknowledged it, and the whole class moved on. There is no hiding. "How are you?" How often do we actually tell people how we really are? What's really going on in our lives? What if we lived our lives like a Down syndrome love? What if we lived from a place of loving with no questions asked, empathetic affection, showing the awesome awe that we see in others? What if we were real at all points in our day, let things go immediately, had no self sabotage, and most importantly lived from a place of love, a place of joy? 
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” He lives most life whoever breathes most air. -Elizabeth Barrett Browning While in yoga class the other day a woman moaned with a release of pain. It was the sound of struggle. As though, she was trapped and moaned to escape it. My immediate response was a huge exhale from deep within me, exiting out my heart. "Why the heck did I just do that?"
I have this secret trick with my daughter. When she is inconsolable I make her blow her nose, forcing her breath to change. I hold her tight and breathe big breaths for her to hear, she then starts to follow along. Literally within seconds she is jumping off my lap to go play again. Why does this work? Yoga is a practice over 5,000 years old. We are talking ancient stuff here, there must be some merit in it somewhere. Pranayama is the fourth of eight limbs that incorporate yoga, generally translated as breath control. Prana refers to life force energy, and yama, control or mastery of. According to Merriam-Webster.com prana is "the principle of life moving in the human body" And spokensanskrit.de translates ayama to restraining, stretching, stopping, extending, and expanding. So pranayama is expanding the life force energy. Breathing with an intent and focus. It is the meditation for both the beginner and the advanced practitioner. Breathing is the first thing you do in your physical body and it is the last thing you will do before transitioning out of the body. It is what links you to the earth. That is the only thing that you must do today and tomorrow. Everything else is just decoration and nonsense. That's it folks. My work here is done. Breathe yourself into enlightenment. Bahahahahaha! Oh, but if only it were that simple. What would happen if you were to remove all of your to-do lists, all the stories in your head, everything that happened in the yesterdays, all the creating of tomorrows, and just breathe? Awe, but by breathing, and doing ONLY that... you can release all the stories. You can release all the pain. You can love. Have you ever been in the shower and let out a huge sigh? Or after giving a presentation taken a huge "sigh of relief." Why do we do this? Why is this something that is naturally ingrained in us? Do you feel better afterwards? Do you ever feel that your body has been taken over by your mind, taking your breath away? Do you ever feel so nervous that you can't seem to catch your breath? Have you ever felt so overcome with indescribable beauty, and find yourself breathing deeply, as if to take it all in? When you really take a minute to push all your other senses out and smell something, breathing it in, do you smile? I think the reason I exhaled for the woman in yoga was to form a connection. Because I was connecting with my breath I was able to move love, connect, relieve, and share with her. Somehow, I was eating the pain, the obstruction within her body, within her mind. Providing her a breath of space to move into. It provided a space of peace for her. Or maybe it didn't do anything for her? Either way, it was something I was able to do for myself. I was able to prevent my empathic self from absorbing her pain. So yes it is that simple. Release everything. Just breathe. Love everyone around you by just breathing. Nothing more is needed of you. Your only responsibility on earth is to support your own life by simply breathing. And in doing so, you support the love that lives around you. 
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